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February 15, 2011

Today I’m taking it upon myself to heal, just a bit more. I was abused. Mostly emotionally and a little bit physically, by my ex-fiance. It’s still difficult to admit out loud that my relationship was actually abusive. Hurtful. Impairing. Wrong. It took me so long to get over what happened and I still have to deal with the repercussions everyday. So does my partner. I’m more fragile, more alert, more afraid of being abandoned. It’s harder to let down my guard, to open up. It’s hardest still to know that some days, somehow, I still wish I had meant enough to my ex for him not to treat me with such utter disregard.

But I promise myself, I will never let something like that happen again. Because I am worth so much more than that.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 15, 2011 4:14 pm

    I’m so glad that this obvious douchebag is now in your past. From my own experience I have learned that abuse of and disregard for the victim isn’t because the abuser doesn’t love or care for the victim, rather they don’t know, or understand how to treat someone they love right. They are so insecure that they have to put their partner down just in order for their partner not to realise how screwed up they are and leave them.

    I once read that for every negative comment or action that damages our self esteem, it takes 40 positive comments or actions to repair the damage. Soon enough those positive comments will add up and the idiot will be long forgotten. I’m proud of you, you are a strong, beautiful, kind and truly amazing person. If I had had the strength to get out when I should’ve like you did I’d be a far happier person today (rather than a thick skinned one that doesn’t feel a lot after 16 years!)

    • February 15, 2011 5:23 pm

      Thanks, hon. In a way that I’m lucky he was actually the one to break it off, and I had a lot of supportive friends around at the time to help me move forward with my life. He’s married now and his wife seems very happy, so at least I can hope he’s learned a lot from his experiences with me. And I’ve learned a lot, too. ❤

  2. Sophia permalink
    February 20, 2011 10:34 am

    It’s liberating to come out and say it and realize what a jerk he was and it had nothing to do with you.
    Hang in there and as you can see you will survive and yes you are so worth more than that.

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